(no subject)

[sylvari]

So I have sat here for the last hour or so staring at my screen debating what to write. There has been alot of turmoil in my life lately and while I would love to put it all down in it's start naked truth we all know that lj is not a place for truths as much as it is a place for controlled information.
Let's start with the disappointments. I am disappointed that people can't see past their own nose to help others. That helping someone does not then mean you are helped. That the people I considered community and family are so uninterested in being a community. I am disappointed in myself for giving up so much of me for so long.
I am sad to hear that people I wanted to trust have proven so untrustworthy. And that they have seemingly changed so much.
My goodwill is slowly evaporating. I know it is not all your fault but you bear some of the responsibility for what has happened. Cowboy up. Tell me you understand where you are fucking up. Try simply saying 'I'm sorry" not "I'm sorry here are my excuses why I am not to blame"
I am a little pissed at myself for falling apart all over the place lately. I used to have this thing called a backbone. Gods only knows where it went. THere also used to be a much larger pool of patience to draw from. Well that is what therapy is for. To help me get some of that back.
While I have limited time I think I need to see more people. Or something.More doing less sitting around and playing in my own poo. There are people I miss an awful lot.
My life is missing two things right now. cake and tits. mostly cake. damn it.
Work came and went today and still no word on what the hell my job actually is. Meantime
projects hang in the balance. *sigh*
Now the good stuff..
My boys are amazingly patient with all this.
School continues to be teh sexorz. If ever there comes a day when I can go full time color me gone.
Sometimes the Universe sends you people just when you need them the most. Thank all the Gods in the Universe for bringing me just such a person today.
My friends, the really good ones, well they are the shit. seriously. :)
Cleaning has a way of making things seem better.
Heroes!!!! oh ya... go Syler go.
THanks to tedivm for making me watch Dexter. Holy shit kinda good.
The cool weather is coming and I feel the urge to get the stove fired up.
Cats are intentionally cute so we don't make earmuffs out of them. It's the only explanation.
Want ink!!
I am beinging to feel wild and reckless.. any takers?

Comments

[tehuti.livejournal.com]

I don't doubt you are right about J and his future behavior. I am not happy about the shitty way he has been treating Lisa, and the only reason I haven't said anything about it until now is because I was trying to keep the peace. All done with that now.

Sure, Lisa is hurt by my actions. And I am hurt by hers. This isn't news to either of us. We're working on our shit. Damn right I'm going to pat myself on the back. I've earned it.

[mhaille.livejournal.com]

What I do not understand is why I am the target of all of this stored vitriol. He is an adult, whether or not he is acting like it currently, and in spite of that I am still trying to get him to do the right thing, and have been for months.

Then my own life goes to hell, and I ask my husband to please cut me some slack, careful to ensure that it will interfere as little as possible with him doing the right thing by Lisa, and all the anger at his behaviour comes down on my head?

[tehuti.livejournal.com]

Yup. It does. If this was the first time this had happened, I would have let it slide. If it were even the second or third, I'd be annoyed, but wouldn't say anything. This has happened enough that the pattern is clear.

I think you are adept at manipulating events in your favor, it has hurt Lisa too many times, and I'm calling you on it.

[mhaille.livejournal.com]

Oh, well that explains why everything in my life is going just the way I want it to.

Gosh, if only I'd known sooner. I'm well behind on my time schedule for world domination now...