(no subject)

[sylvari]

So I have sat here for the last hour or so staring at my screen debating what to write. There has been alot of turmoil in my life lately and while I would love to put it all down in it's start naked truth we all know that lj is not a place for truths as much as it is a place for controlled information.
Let's start with the disappointments. I am disappointed that people can't see past their own nose to help others. That helping someone does not then mean you are helped. That the people I considered community and family are so uninterested in being a community. I am disappointed in myself for giving up so much of me for so long.
I am sad to hear that people I wanted to trust have proven so untrustworthy. And that they have seemingly changed so much.
My goodwill is slowly evaporating. I know it is not all your fault but you bear some of the responsibility for what has happened. Cowboy up. Tell me you understand where you are fucking up. Try simply saying 'I'm sorry" not "I'm sorry here are my excuses why I am not to blame"
I am a little pissed at myself for falling apart all over the place lately. I used to have this thing called a backbone. Gods only knows where it went. THere also used to be a much larger pool of patience to draw from. Well that is what therapy is for. To help me get some of that back.
While I have limited time I think I need to see more people. Or something.More doing less sitting around and playing in my own poo. There are people I miss an awful lot.
My life is missing two things right now. cake and tits. mostly cake. damn it.
Work came and went today and still no word on what the hell my job actually is. Meantime
projects hang in the balance. *sigh*
Now the good stuff..
My boys are amazingly patient with all this.
School continues to be teh sexorz. If ever there comes a day when I can go full time color me gone.
Sometimes the Universe sends you people just when you need them the most. Thank all the Gods in the Universe for bringing me just such a person today.
My friends, the really good ones, well they are the shit. seriously. :)
Cleaning has a way of making things seem better.
Heroes!!!! oh ya... go Syler go.
THanks to tedivm for making me watch Dexter. Holy shit kinda good.
The cool weather is coming and I feel the urge to get the stove fired up.
Cats are intentionally cute so we don't make earmuffs out of them. It's the only explanation.
Want ink!!
I am beinging to feel wild and reckless.. any takers?

Comments

[rockmunkee.livejournal.com]

I agree with the firing of the stove... MMMm.. cold weather.. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM....

I need some more ink as well. I really do.

Aaaannnd, I'm totally a taker on the wild and recklessnessnesssnesss. You just let me know ;)

[shalanar.livejournal.com]

*hugs you*

Cake and tits? Yeah, I find that missing in my life too.

And seriously, Dexter fucking rocks!

[maverick-weirdo.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid some of your friends have caught the common stupidz. I hear that it is highly contagious, and there is a lot of it going around. Near epidemic proportions.

[fireheart.livejournal.com]

Try simply saying 'I'm sorry" not "I'm sorry here are my excuses why I am not to blame"

That happens to be my self improvement goal for the moment.

[sylvari.livejournal.com]

You are on the top of my "need a wild night" list dear. :)

[sylvari.livejournal.com]

He does! Is it wrong to think a serial killer is that sexy?

Why do you live so far away?! le sadness

[sylvari.livejournal.com]

Is there no cure?? Like a brick to the head?

[sylvari.livejournal.com]

so i saw. i am glad you are starting to feel better. :)

[mhaille.livejournal.com]

I asked for J's support specifically in a manner that would not prevent him from spending some much needed time with you.
What I said, exactly, to him, was "If you want to see Lisa on Friday please invite her to come to our house, so that I am not stuck home."

I do not know how this translates to "You have to be home early," but I have been trying as hard as I can to get what I need from him- I have given up rights to SO time, but I do still have a claim on his parenting time, and will for the next 10 years at least- while not screwing anyone else over.

So, bottom line, if you think that I am not treating you fairly, I want to hear it in so many words, in person, and I want to know what you think will FIX the problem.

[ustolemyname.livejournal.com]

whenever you need a hug give me a call.

[ustolemyname.livejournal.com]

oh and i'll work on the cake part (and if need be bring a mirror for your tits)

A brick to the head

[maverick-weirdo.livejournal.com]

While the treatment you suggested does work in some cases¹, it is a controversial treatment because of the severe possible side effects².
It is therefore important to have the patient sign a release before applying treatment³. It may be wise to start patients on a lower dosage⁴.

1. Ow, that smarts


2. Possible side effects include: Addiction to Treatment, Brain Damage, Bruising, Change in Hat Size, Concussion, Death,
   Drain Bamage, Dry Mouth, Exacerbation of Condition, External Bleeding, Headache, Loss of Consciousness, Memory Loss,
   Sexual Dysfunction, Sub Cranial Bleeding, Watching of Three Stooges


3. This is not as difficult as it sounds, people with this condition often sign things without reading them.


4. Half-a-Brick in'a-Sock

[tehuti.livejournal.com]

I'm not remaining silent anymore. You go out and spend time with your SOs much more than Lisa spends with J. She sees him once a week, if she's lucky.

After all the shit Lisa has done to help you both (for example, babysitting for you guys for free for months, sacrificing her own income to do it), show her a little more fucking consideration. This isn't the first time you've cut into her time with J. So here's what will fix the problem. When Lisa and J finally manage to make plans to spend time together, smile, say, "Have fun, everyone.", stay home, and keep your mouth shut.

[mhaille.livejournal.com]

I am NOT stopping him. I said "Please invite her here." I have gone directly to her to reassure her that she is welcome here, when there was concern. I schedule my time with SOs for when he is at work, so that he has at least one weekend night free every. single. goddamn. week, and I have done everything but tell him how to spend it. Oh, and by the way, when we tracked how much time we spent with SOs for a month, he had me beat by a full 24 hours.

The last several times that he's blamed on me? Why don't you ask me what I actually said to him, because it wasn't "don't spend time with your gf." I have shoved him out of the goddamn house with both feet more than once. I have nagged him to talk to her, and he ISN'T FUCKING DOING IT. Your guess is as good as mine as to why, but if you imply for one second that I am not trying my damndest to make sure he makes an effort in her direction, you are way off the mark and way out of line.

Yes, he develops sudden concern for my relationship with him during the times that he'd planned to be with Lisa, but I am not asking him for that concern, and he has access to me the rest of the time to address it. This is his MO. He will do ANYTHING to avoid confrontation when he is depressed, and this is as bad as I've seen him in over 4 years.

I offered to pay her for the sitting. When she indicated that it was a time problem, I started interviewing babysitters in under 48 hours. When he was uncommunicative on the Posi issue, I tried first to get him to speak up, then got directly involved when it was obvious that he wasn't telling me the truth, and got bitched out by him for my trouble. I went to a support group at her urging. Any request that has been made directly to me, I have worked very hard to honor.

I will not apologize for claiming some of his parenting time. All I asked was that he invite her over- and yes, I said for an overnight- at our place, so that he could be a physical adult presence for two SLEEPING children. Oh, the humanity.

[shalanar.livejournal.com]

Nope, it's totally not wrong. Cold, emotionally detached hotness has it's place in life (not all the time, but occasionally).

And yeah, le sadness. If only we could figure out how to get rid of the whole middle of the country (while moving all the damned to places that wouldn't be gotten rid of).

[full-moons-rock.livejournal.com]

I can get cake and I have tits....now if only I had the balls.

::Hugs:: I am going to assume all this has to do with Pagan Pride Day. Only a few more days and it will all be over.

[tonysalieri.livejournal.com]

Hey there. I'm also having troubles and crap in my own existance at the moment. Sending hugs and hoping that things improve for the both of us.

THanks to tedivm for making me watch Dexter. Holy shit kinda good.

Oh yeah, isn't it though? You should pick up the DVD of the first season. I suspect this season is going to be even more screwed up and intense. BTW, The opening of Dexter? Probably the best, most visceral, "just on the edge, but not right over it" I've ever seen in my life. The opening to Weeds is almost as delightful. Speaking of which, if you get Showtime, Weeds is an execellent show to pick up as well, although you might be lost if you haven't kept up since day 1.

Californication, which comes on after that, isn't so bad either. David Duchovney is a better actor than I've given him credit for.

And then there's Torchwood, and BSG, and Doctor Who and....

I never thought there would be a day when I was geeking so much on television. It's like there is a small second renessance going on.

[tehuti.livejournal.com]

J had you beat on SO time when? Certainly not within recent months. That looks like bullshit to me, unless you are counting online time, which I don't, or you count time with K, which I also wouldn't.

And would it have killed YOU to be the adult presence for the two sleeping children for a change? I know he does that for you quite often. And your own damn arguments are working against you on this one. You know J is depressed, hell, anyone that knows him knows that. You know perfectly well how infrequently the two of them spend time together. So let them spend the damn time together ALONE. Babysitting, even one's own children, is not ALONE. You couldn't have gone out the next night so everyone could have gotten what they wanted and needed? The night that J and Lisa had planned to be alone, your SOs couldn't come to you so they could have time completely alone?

I didn't bring up the babysitting Lisa did because of money. It is an example of how she went out of her way to help you both and hasn't gotten nearly the considering back she should have.

I'm sorry your life is exploding, but my concern is Lisa, and she's been getting shafted royally here. I know enough from listening to Lisa vent and cry to me about things that you know how to manipulate events to get the things that you want and need, and far to often it is at her and J's expense. How many times have you been unbelievably late getting home? How many times has that forced Lisa and J to change plans? How many times have you said something to J to get him to come home early so you could go out? How many times have you said to J, "We don't have money for X.", but then gone on retail therapy trips or run to CT?

I'm calling Bullshit.

[mhaille.livejournal.com]

...for a change?

You do know that I'm home with them at least 5 nights a week, and take them with me if I go out on a Saturday night at least half the time? You know that they come with me, if I am going down to CT for dinner?

And if you're so concerned about Lisa, why don't you change *your* behavior?

[tedivm.livejournal.com]

Any sympathy people had for you is disappearing quite fast- the more you talk the more you look like an ass here.

Yes, you watch the kids five nights a week- while Jaimey is working. Its not like he's out partying it up while you're home with the kids. You can have people come up and spend time with you on those five nights, but Jaimey can't exactly invite Lisa to work with him can he? And even still- he's WORKING. Seriously, if you honestly think those are equivalent you've lost your mind.

[mhaille.livejournal.com]

What I am saying is equivalent is me having people up on a weeknight (when I have the kids) and J having Lisa over on a Friday (when he has the kids.) Nothing more.

[tedivm.livejournal.com]

And my point is that it isn't equivalent- the fact that you think it is boggles the mind. If you worked five nights a week, hours so long that you went to bed a few hours after getting home and woke up just to go to work, then were told that you couldn't have a single night of privacy with your SO because your partner- who can have people come over five nights a week as it is- thinks she deserves 'adult time' more, how the hell would you feel?

My point is its not equivalent, and its selfish for you to try and act like it is.

[mhaille.livejournal.com]

Fine. I'm mean. I don't care any more.

[tehuti.livejournal.com]

What I am saying is equivalent is me having people up on a weeknight (when I have the kids) and J having Lisa over on a Friday (when he has the kids.) Nothing more.

I call Bullshit again. These two things aren't even remotely the same. YOU can be home SEVEN nights a week if you want to. J has exactly TWO.

Now, you know he is depressed. So instead of letting him see his SO, which just might help him feel a little better, not to mention how nice it would be for her, you ask him to have Lisa stay over with so HE can watch the kids while YOU go out. Awful nice of you.

What you should have done is been slightly less selfish, let J have Friday night, you get Saturday night, and then each of you has one night of alone time with your SOs without the kids in tow. Of course, that would leave no time for you two as a couple, but I imagine that doesn't matter to you nearly as much as it does to J.

[tehuti.livejournal.com]

Fine. I'm mean. I don't care any more.

Yup. And selfish, too. Deal with it.