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there are no guarantees in life...
Jan. 15th, 2007 02:42 pmSo in looking at the economics of my situation a few things have occured to me.
First - I need a better job. Either one at Posi that guarantees me more hours or another one that does. I cannot make it on what I am doing. I know Mike and Robert want me to stay where I am. Indeed - the flexible schedual has been very nice. But there are days ( like today) when i really hate my job. All I want is to do a good job. Here I dont feel as though I am most days. Hell even Orion told me I should look for another job. Maybe I should listen..
Second - I need to stop babysitting. There- I said it out loud. I didn't mind putting my school and job searching on the back burner for a semester but in truth it has done severe damage to me economically. Not having to leave the office at 2 or being able to find a full time job will be a great help to my bottom line. The problem is this leaves two people I care about in the lurch I think. I am afraid this will be damaging in some way. That is the last thing I want or need. Honestly? I already feel marginalized. this cannot make it better only worse.
Third - There is no way for me to go back to school for this semester either. We do not have the extra money for me to buy books. It is that simple. I have not the resources to do so. It was a foolish idea in the first place. Every time i get to the wire something prevents me from being able to pursue it. Maybe the Universe is trying to tell me something. I doubt it. It is more a case of poor decisions on my part.
In any case something has to give. Once again i fear it is me. I am tired. Exhausted. Wrung out from moving numbers back and forth in my head. Of letting things go. of hoping I don't have to but knowing it is inevitable. The reality is family first and personal indulgences later.
It is what it is.
First - I need a better job. Either one at Posi that guarantees me more hours or another one that does. I cannot make it on what I am doing. I know Mike and Robert want me to stay where I am. Indeed - the flexible schedual has been very nice. But there are days ( like today) when i really hate my job. All I want is to do a good job. Here I dont feel as though I am most days. Hell even Orion told me I should look for another job. Maybe I should listen..
Second - I need to stop babysitting. There- I said it out loud. I didn't mind putting my school and job searching on the back burner for a semester but in truth it has done severe damage to me economically. Not having to leave the office at 2 or being able to find a full time job will be a great help to my bottom line. The problem is this leaves two people I care about in the lurch I think. I am afraid this will be damaging in some way. That is the last thing I want or need. Honestly? I already feel marginalized. this cannot make it better only worse.
Third - There is no way for me to go back to school for this semester either. We do not have the extra money for me to buy books. It is that simple. I have not the resources to do so. It was a foolish idea in the first place. Every time i get to the wire something prevents me from being able to pursue it. Maybe the Universe is trying to tell me something. I doubt it. It is more a case of poor decisions on my part.
In any case something has to give. Once again i fear it is me. I am tired. Exhausted. Wrung out from moving numbers back and forth in my head. Of letting things go. of hoping I don't have to but knowing it is inevitable. The reality is family first and personal indulgences later.
It is what it is.
