sylvari: (Happy)
Bubba got her acceptance letter to Westfield State.

Woot!

One down Four to go.
sylvari: (Default)
So to distract myself this evening I have been taking those online Jungian personality tests.

They all come up INFJ.

Looks like a major it Psych and a minor in Anthro is a good call. Or a double major if I can pull it off.

First.. I need to get classes for next semester. small steps
sylvari: (Default)
So I have sat here for the last hour or so staring at my screen debating what to write. There has been alot of turmoil in my life lately and while I would love to put it all down in it's start naked truth we all know that lj is not a place for truths as much as it is a place for controlled information.
Let's start with the disappointments. I am disappointed that people can't see past their own nose to help others. That helping someone does not then mean you are helped. That the people I considered community and family are so uninterested in being a community. I am disappointed in myself for giving up so much of me for so long.
I am sad to hear that people I wanted to trust have proven so untrustworthy. And that they have seemingly changed so much.
My goodwill is slowly evaporating. I know it is not all your fault but you bear some of the responsibility for what has happened. Cowboy up. Tell me you understand where you are fucking up. Try simply saying 'I'm sorry" not "I'm sorry here are my excuses why I am not to blame"
I am a little pissed at myself for falling apart all over the place lately. I used to have this thing called a backbone. Gods only knows where it went. THere also used to be a much larger pool of patience to draw from. Well that is what therapy is for. To help me get some of that back.
While I have limited time I think I need to see more people. Or something.More doing less sitting around and playing in my own poo. There are people I miss an awful lot.
My life is missing two things right now. cake and tits. mostly cake. damn it.
Work came and went today and still no word on what the hell my job actually is. Meantime
projects hang in the balance. *sigh*
Now the good stuff..
My boys are amazingly patient with all this.
School continues to be teh sexorz. If ever there comes a day when I can go full time color me gone.
Sometimes the Universe sends you people just when you need them the most. Thank all the Gods in the Universe for bringing me just such a person today.
My friends, the really good ones, well they are the shit. seriously. :)
Cleaning has a way of making things seem better.
Heroes!!!! oh ya... go Syler go.
THanks to tedivm for making me watch Dexter. Holy shit kinda good.
The cool weather is coming and I feel the urge to get the stove fired up.
Cats are intentionally cute so we don't make earmuffs out of them. It's the only explanation.
Want ink!!
I am beinging to feel wild and reckless.. any takers?
sylvari: (Socks)
SO it has been a while since i have posted an update of any substance. It's a beautiful autumn morning and my choices are coffee and lj or foiling the last of the glass. Guess which I will choose.

   Fair Ophelia is leaving us at work. This is very sad-making. The office is getting smaller and smaller. Its like a another ray of light is being snuffed out. *sigh*
   School is going pretty well. I have mentioned this already I know but it's my lj so I am going to do it again. The kids in my Lit class are a delight. This class is going to be a little difficult for me as my writing skills are more than out of shape.  There is Ryan of the coasting thru life. He is one of those people who thinks that charm can get him everything he wants. We shall see. Mike who sits behind me full of cutting quips and a head of poetic leanings. Sam, who sits next to him quiet but terribly smart. Kelly, a lovely girl who with just 1 more ounce of confidence in herself will do everything she wants to in life. Peter the gentle giant, i really hope he gets what he desires. Tanya, smiling, Alana  always with a story to tell,Kevin who has aspergers and is a total geek :) , Murry who is way too smart for the rest of us I think .  They make the class lots of fun.
 So we are all back in school here in Serenity House. While it is nice during the summer to sleep in and move lazily about sun-filled days the cool air and structure of fall is much more to my liking. All we need to do is get into the habit of thinking like equals a little more with the picking up after ourselves.
  Football season is upon us. 18 glorious weeks. *happy sigh*
  It is odd how I can sit here, my mind full of all the things that have been going on in my life and still have nothing to write. hmm...
  Mike and I have been using all our spare time to get these last few glass orders done before we go to Mexico. Today should be the last day of balls to the wall glass. Sundays of glass and football do not suck.
  This weight watchers thing we are trying seems to be working pretty well. Mike is down 10 lbs and I am down 7 going into our third week. The easy part is taking of f the weight the hard part is always sustainability.
  It has always bothered me to see my friends sad. A few of them are going through some hard times right now and I just want them to know I hope things get better. *hug*
 Well time for glass.

more another time kids
 
sylvari: (Default)
So in looking at the economics of my situation a few things have occured to me.
First - I need a better job. Either one at Posi that guarantees me more hours or another one that does. I cannot make it on what I am doing. I know Mike and Robert want me to stay where I am. Indeed - the flexible schedual has been very nice. But there are days ( like today) when i really hate my job. All I want is to do a good job. Here I dont feel as though I am most days. Hell even Orion told me I should look for another job. Maybe I should listen..
Second - I need to stop babysitting. There- I said it out loud. I didn't mind putting my school and job searching on the back burner for a semester but in truth it has done severe damage to me economically. Not having to leave the office at 2 or being able to find a full time job will be a great help to my bottom line. The problem is this leaves two people I care about in the lurch I think. I am afraid this will be damaging in some way. That is the last thing I want or need. Honestly? I already feel marginalized. this cannot make it better only worse.
Third - There is no way for me to go back to school for this semester either. We do not have the extra money for me to buy books. It is that simple. I have not the resources to do so. It was a foolish idea in the first place. Every time i get to the wire something prevents me from being able to pursue it. Maybe the Universe is trying to tell me something. I doubt it. It is more a case of poor decisions on my part.

In any case something has to give. Once again i fear it is me. I am tired. Exhausted. Wrung out from moving numbers back and forth in my head. Of letting things go. of hoping I don't have to but knowing it is inevitable. The reality is family first and personal indulgences later.

It is what it is.

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sylvari

November 2011

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