Wall meet head

[sylvari]

My sister and I met with the hospice representative to talk to her and mom about what hospice entails. The nurse explained upfront that hospice care is for people who have decided not to seek further treatment but who simple want a peaceful end. We spoke for about half an hour about what this would entail- they would probably not be able to come every day (which means we would be responsible for wound care ummm please no) they would come twice a week to offer support.
After about half an hour of this Deb asked mom if that sounded good and is this what she wanted. Mom says "I want to go home with the GTube and get stronger and go back to radiation"

*blink*

umm..ok. This means hospice is out and now we have to go back to a VNA for her.
Unfortunately she also refused to let the anaestheologist look at her wound to determine if she can have the surgery for the gtube. If not we are back to square one, if she is then we put it in her and hope the oncologist signs off on more radiation.I am hoping he will even though in his opinion it will take a miracle to get her whole again.

My fear is she will get home and change her mind again or worse she will rush back to radiation and it will actually hasten her end. In the end however it is her choice. I just wish she would make one and stick with it. I love her and she is my mom but right now I just want to shake her like a baby. *sigh*