sylvari: (ScoobDoo)
to make the cats little socks for the snow. There has to be some benefit to all this naval gazing right?

 For years now I have referred to myself as a fat girl. When I say years I mean all of my adult life. Even at 130lbs. all I saw was a dumpy girl. All these years I wore my fat girl badge with pride. No one was going to mess with my "fuck you I am a fat girl and I am smokin' " attitude. At the same time the little voice in the back of my head reminded me that all the lovely women in my family who were overweight all were sticking needles in their thigh or dying from complications of diabetes and heart disease caused by diabetes. Still deep down the connection wasn'tthere because in my heart I thought that I was not that bad.

Last week though a little idea crept into my head. I am not a fat girl. I am an unhealthy girl. No more name calling to shield myself or hide if the truth me known from the obvious. If I have to put a needle in my thigh it is not because I am a fat girl, there are plenty of people who carry more weight than I do who are far healthier.  If I have to put a needle in my thigh it will be because I did not take my health seriously enough.

 There is so much I still want to accomplish in life and unless I am healthy and take care of my body there is no way I can get those things done. Too much learning and not enough time is only true if I chose that path and I don't. More time = more learning is the rule of the day from now on.

Fat girl no more.
sylvari: (Kurowski)
 Today was my appointment with the endocrinologist to discuss the test results on the nodule on my thyroid. With the fat girl in me firmly convinced all my problems with weight gain are tied to this Lump in I went humming along. After the usual questions: headache, heat/cold intolerance, achy joints, bowel movements, depression etc. etc. and a quick feel of my neck the doctor told me he was going to order a fine needle aspiration. This means that we are now leaning on the side of a cyst or tumor of some sort. The doctor, whose last name is Cooper by the way so yes, every time I hear "Dr. Cooper"  a little voice in my head says "bazinga!" and it makes me smile, assures me that it's no big deal as 90-95% of these things turn out benign and the ones that are malignant are simply removed and life goes on.

Up until now I had been waiting to hear how my thyroid issues were affecting my over all health. They aren't so now I go to plan B which is stop fucking around and start thinking about what I am doing.

 I also have my entire winter reading list on it's way. A book on Slavic cooking, Getting Things Done, First Man of Rome, Forest Forensics and a heap more. 

 Work has been .. odd. People walking around trying to pretend things are normal while we wait and see if they will be. More than myself I am afraid for my boss. He is a great guy and I am not liking the ugly rumors swirling about his job.

  Well, time to go read and digest what the doctor told me. Night all.

Oh and that new icon is the coat of arms of the Kurowski clan. Making slow but odd progress on that front.

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sylvari

November 2011

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