Oct. 16th, 2011

sylvari: (ScoobDoo)
to make the cats little socks for the snow. There has to be some benefit to all this naval gazing right?

 For years now I have referred to myself as a fat girl. When I say years I mean all of my adult life. Even at 130lbs. all I saw was a dumpy girl. All these years I wore my fat girl badge with pride. No one was going to mess with my "fuck you I am a fat girl and I am smokin' " attitude. At the same time the little voice in the back of my head reminded me that all the lovely women in my family who were overweight all were sticking needles in their thigh or dying from complications of diabetes and heart disease caused by diabetes. Still deep down the connection wasn'tthere because in my heart I thought that I was not that bad.

Last week though a little idea crept into my head. I am not a fat girl. I am an unhealthy girl. No more name calling to shield myself or hide if the truth me known from the obvious. If I have to put a needle in my thigh it is not because I am a fat girl, there are plenty of people who carry more weight than I do who are far healthier.  If I have to put a needle in my thigh it will be because I did not take my health seriously enough.

 There is so much I still want to accomplish in life and unless I am healthy and take care of my body there is no way I can get those things done. Too much learning and not enough time is only true if I chose that path and I don't. More time = more learning is the rule of the day from now on.

Fat girl no more.

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sylvari

November 2011

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