sylvari: (polar)
this is a test of the "lj is offline so I am posting to dreamwith"System
sylvari: (ScoobDoo)
Welcome back oh LJ patrons. I hope your day went well. Things here in Sylvari land are coming along pretty swell. However I can feel myself coming down from yesterday’s up. My brain has slowed to a normal pace and I am a little tired around the edges. Luckily we have the magic bean that banishes tired to the outer edges of the forest.

Today’s todo list consists of going for a walk, doing the dishes and cleaning out the fridge. Even though I am sure I won’t get that far taking out one more bag of basement trash is on the maybe list. So far so good. The todo list is only two days old but instead of looking behind or ahead I am simply going to look at today. We are going to take the ADD kids approach.

However this has not prevented my brain from sending me on a fantastical tangent of contemplating learning to be a storyteller. It certainly is an interesting idea. Defintely appeals to my myth loving side. Part of me says yes and part of me sees people like Seelyfae who is a wonderful story teller and I think I can never be that good. Might give it a go anyway. I can see the tie in between both a Bardic and Druid path this way. The idea came out of the blue yesterday so it’s either a nudge or my crazy. Worth pursuing though.

My mother in law thinks I am scattered. What she actually said was that my weakness is “too many pots on the fire” and she is correct. Sometimes I feel like a kid who is starving for candy. I keep trying to shove new things in my brain but there is no tasting them that way. It feels like I don’t have enough time to know all the things I need to or want to know. I will try to slow down and focus. After all we wouldn’t want my brain to get a tummy ache.

We are losing our newest stray as she is moving back in with her boyfriend. Hopefully they can make it work. She is too sweet and good a kid not to have a happy life.

Ok, I am only going to admit this once but don’t tell anyone. I kind of want a puppy. I know! I know! There are TONS of reason why we don’t need one. I can think of eight of them right this minute and then I see this- http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/20851566  and all those good intentions go right out the door. We do not need a dog. Right?

New day! Same old post. I didn’t get to the whole todo list yesterday but I can clean the fridge today. Not a big deal. today’s todo is dishes, fridge and a ton of paperwork.

I am here at work by myself which means not only is it busier than normal but I can listen to some of my cd’s. Among them are a bunch of cds Mike made me back in the day. One of them, Athena is all women artists of the thinkey kind with songs that he chose that he said made him think of me. It struck me as I was listening to it how very angry a person I was then. the difference between then and the Mikes and now and the Pinky is surprising.

Speaking of which, have I mentioned lately how adorable he is with his growing fuzziness? Oh and watching he and his dad chop down trees this weekend was kinda hot. All that muscles and sweating stuff. *swoon*

My goodness it feels like this day will never end. Usually I float through the day not even aware of how quickly time is passing but for some reason beign stuck in the lunchroom for the better part of the day has made time creep by ever so slowly.

One of the guys asked me today if there was a word beyond awesome and I said well there is “whoosy”. Now I know whoosy is a G made up ages ago but for me it’s that word. So I described my idea of whoosy. It’s the feeling I got when I first saw Pinky and the Mountain Man. I think for me if I was to ever date someone else there has to be that feeling first. Every time it isn’t there things go poorly. Another instance of trusting my gut.

My gut also says listen to the song in my head when I wake up. Today’s song was “Manic Monday” and so far it’s been born out. This morning, running late to work, I got in my car, turned the key and …... nothing. The car didn’t even turn over. The lights when on though so I knew it wasn’t the battery. Frantically texting Pinky while trying to figure out what I could do tomorrow at work to make up for not beign able to go in today and then replanning my at home to do list because if I am going to stay home I might as well get things done and also trying to figure out how to get the car fixed or what we would have to do if we were without a car for a while etc etc etc when the boy sent me a text that simply said “is the car in gear”. Buh? what? *looked at shift* oh.... duh...and off I went.

Finally couch time! Totally bumpy day in a small bumpy way. Now it’s time to do something silly and let my mind clear itself.

Samhain '11

Nov. 7th, 2011 08:04 pm
sylvari: (Sekhmet)
Better late than never here is my reading for the next six weeks.

East - Wolf (NA)(R) - Expand your view of the present situation. You have become bogged down in ideas and now it's time to delete some to make room for new wisdom. (Interesting. Today I went and reread some of the second degree coursework because I thought I might have been missing something. Turns out I think I was. Now I wonder what else I need to be an empty cup for)

South - Frog (C)(R) - You are learning how to embrace difficult circumstances. The circumstances you have chosen to accept may seem difficult but in the end will have rich rewards. (this is the house of spiritual pursuits. lol..yeah, not an easy path and the work will only get harder. Thanks..)

West - Bear (C)- Find the way to come into your power by marrying your strength to your intuition.  Look deep into your ancestral roots and embrace that primal warrior that lives within. (well west is all about intuition yes? So I need to sharpen those skills that lead me to my inner knowing. Other than more meditation I am not sure how though)

North - Blue Heron (NA) - Trust your path, delve deep within yourself and embrace the journey. Find your sense of self. (This one is harder as North usually refers to home and work etc. The things you can touch.)

Center - Wild Boar (NA) - Stop procrastinating. You can face what you have been avoiding. In any case be mindful and fully present in everything you do. (LOL! well it doesn't get much clearer than that eh? Keep working it is)

Certainly a lot of food for thought there. Should be a very interesting and inward turning cycle.
sylvari: (Sekhmet)
  This week's cards! Can you feel the excitement?
I am going to try to get this done with the kitten sitting on my hands. Wish me luck

First card

Cow (C)(R)- Examine the way in which you give to the world. If you think your resources are limited then you will be less likely to give. You can only give if you can receive. How easy is that for you?

Well that is on point. Right now I am feeling none of that.

and the  next


Swan (C)(R)- Come to terms with a separation. Remember that Swan tells us that its not a separation but a transformation so look into your heart and see what needs to be transformed.

I don't know. We shall see.        

 
sylvari: (Hops)
 For the white dog cookin' in my basement.

Ok, maybe not in my basement. Pinky and Bubba got together and bought me a stove top still for my birthday so hopefully we will have something fun to sample soon. Fermented drinks are a slow process where you have to pay attention to each step so this lesson in patience keeps rearing it's head. We will hopefully be able to head to Northampton for some brewers yeast in the next week and then it's time to make the mash! Come next year it's also small enough to make medicinal herbal concoctions too. 
 Hopefully we can grab a beer making kit next so I can give that a go too as it's not the same process. :)

here is a picture of the new prezzie-

sylvari: (FireWater)
 Or maybe woodsmoke. Not sure but man does it smell good. One of the best things about this time of year are the rich smells that are found everywhere. THe colder it gets the more this little polar bears shakes off her summer torpor.

  Work is becoming .... odd. Now that the initial shock of the filing has worn off things are slowly slipping back into the old routine. The undercurrent is a little tense but no one really feels everything is at an end. I think in the end no matter what things here will be ok. However I did learn that one of my favorite people will be leaving for a new job at the end of this month. Of all the people who have come and gone while I have been there they will be one I will miss quite a bit. I hope the new place understands what an awesome person they are getting.

 My bosses boss has also started assigning me jobs outside my job description without asking me. Not sure how to take it as most of my new assignments are things he used to do such as oversee the CPR/First aid classes and take charge of the Hazmat trailer. They are little things but ..I don't know. Something is tickling my nose about this one. For now it's head down, keep working, doing my best and keep an open mind.

 They have also approved my education assistance so there is no turning back now. It looks like the coming year will be one of learning on all fronts.

 In other news we have a new fridge! The old one finally died on us and has been consigned to whatever grave yard Harvest Gold appliances go. All I have to do now is get used to the door opening from the other side and fill it with all that yummy, healthy food we need.

Koad- new beginnings. LIttle ones but they were there today. :)
 
sylvari: (ScoobDoo)
to make the cats little socks for the snow. There has to be some benefit to all this naval gazing right?

 For years now I have referred to myself as a fat girl. When I say years I mean all of my adult life. Even at 130lbs. all I saw was a dumpy girl. All these years I wore my fat girl badge with pride. No one was going to mess with my "fuck you I am a fat girl and I am smokin' " attitude. At the same time the little voice in the back of my head reminded me that all the lovely women in my family who were overweight all were sticking needles in their thigh or dying from complications of diabetes and heart disease caused by diabetes. Still deep down the connection wasn'tthere because in my heart I thought that I was not that bad.

Last week though a little idea crept into my head. I am not a fat girl. I am an unhealthy girl. No more name calling to shield myself or hide if the truth me known from the obvious. If I have to put a needle in my thigh it is not because I am a fat girl, there are plenty of people who carry more weight than I do who are far healthier.  If I have to put a needle in my thigh it will be because I did not take my health seriously enough.

 There is so much I still want to accomplish in life and unless I am healthy and take care of my body there is no way I can get those things done. Too much learning and not enough time is only true if I chose that path and I don't. More time = more learning is the rule of the day from now on.

Fat girl no more.
sylvari: (bones)
Well now that the cat is out of the bag I can explain the rant earlier.

 You know how there are people you work with who just rub you the wrong way? yeah, I thought so. I have one of those. One who doesn't want to talk to "sad or angry people" on the phone despite her job being a receptionist. Instead of thinking about those poor souls who are looking desperately for answers, instead of trying to believe TPTB that things will be ok, she is only thinking about how it will be hard on her feelings to have to hear someone crying. She isn't the only one either. The days have been filled with "well *I* know what *I* would do if I lost my job and those people should have thought about that too" Guess what asshat- "those people" are retirees who needed extra income because their social security doesn't cover everything, "those people" are college kids who need the money to stay afloat while they go to school and can't do much future planning while they work 20 hours and go to school for another 60, "those people" are moms living on tips whose extra time is spent taking care of their kids. None of these people make 20.00 or more an hour with a spouse who works so they have the luxury of putting something aside for a rainy day. These are the people living in the monsoon.
Get a clue, have a heart, stop bitching and help fix this horribly broken system or shut the hell up.
sylvari: (Sunset Lion)
  Look, I get it, times are tough. They are. I know. Times will get tougher. That is also not a surprise. What I don't want to hear is how bad things are with no solutions. KNow what makes things harder in tough times? Bitchin' about it. Sometimes it feels like I am in a boat bailing with both hands while everyone else is sitting on theirs moaning and crying the boat has a leak. Don't bring me down because you are. If we are going to succeed then starting out on the down side of things will just make it harder.

Stop telling me what is wrong with the world and start telling me how you are going to fix it. Not just for yourself because that is a bullshit response. "oh i will go it alone because everyone else is stupid and sucks" is something my kids would have said at Emo13 not now. Grab a gods damn pain, STFU and bail. Less words, more action. Now.

  I hate having to swim through other people's shit to get someplace where I can breath.
sylvari: (Kurowski)
 Today was my appointment with the endocrinologist to discuss the test results on the nodule on my thyroid. With the fat girl in me firmly convinced all my problems with weight gain are tied to this Lump in I went humming along. After the usual questions: headache, heat/cold intolerance, achy joints, bowel movements, depression etc. etc. and a quick feel of my neck the doctor told me he was going to order a fine needle aspiration. This means that we are now leaning on the side of a cyst or tumor of some sort. The doctor, whose last name is Cooper by the way so yes, every time I hear "Dr. Cooper"  a little voice in my head says "bazinga!" and it makes me smile, assures me that it's no big deal as 90-95% of these things turn out benign and the ones that are malignant are simply removed and life goes on.

Up until now I had been waiting to hear how my thyroid issues were affecting my over all health. They aren't so now I go to plan B which is stop fucking around and start thinking about what I am doing.

 I also have my entire winter reading list on it's way. A book on Slavic cooking, Getting Things Done, First Man of Rome, Forest Forensics and a heap more. 

 Work has been .. odd. People walking around trying to pretend things are normal while we wait and see if they will be. More than myself I am afraid for my boss. He is a great guy and I am not liking the ugly rumors swirling about his job.

  Well, time to go read and digest what the doctor told me. Night all.

Oh and that new icon is the coat of arms of the Kurowski clan. Making slow but odd progress on that front.

sylvari: (Sekhmet)
Well another week is in the books and man what a crazy week it was! More on that later but for now let's see what the cards have said to me today.


First card

Adder (C)(R)-Transform your power to hurt to a power that heals. Use your powers of silent, swift penetration to channel your energies to heal.

 Unspoken in this card - this will require a ton of patience. Wish me luck!

Second card

Salmon (C)(R) - Salmon moves upstream by going with, not fighting the currents. Relax and go with the flow. It may also be telling you that it's time to stop waiting for wisdom from others and tap into your own stream.

 Yeah- that. :P

Mabon 11

Sep. 25th, 2011 09:18 pm
sylvari: (Awen Syl)
Mabon oh Mabon.. What shall we focus on going into this dark time of the year?


East -Hawk (NA)(R)  Hawk is here to remind you not to color your observations with emotions. ALso try and remember that just because you are a messenger doesn't mean the message is always for you. Don't worry about interpreting omens just fly.

South -Squirrel (NA)(R) Hoarding from fear is the way of the Squirrel upside down on his branch. Erratic, scattered energy from moving too quickly should be slowed and focused for Squirrel to help you.

West - Eagle (C)(R) Pay more attention to your dreams. Listen to the call of the unconscious without denying the call of your rational mind. Eagle reversed is asking you to not deny your heart but strive for balance.

North - Weasle (NA)(R) Have you been lying to yourself or hiding your feelings? SOrt through the muddled thoughts in your head and observe what is going on around you with a clear head.

Center- Bat (NA) BAt is calling for a rebirth. The death of the old and the beginning of the new. It's time to assume a position in life that prepares you for rebirth or initiation. The universe is asking you to grow and to do so you must die a shaman's death.

Oh goodie... this journey to the dark time is going to be all about me poking around in my head? My favorite thing... *sigh*
sylvari: (Grrreenland)
and Shamans oh my.

 Today was PPD. I really didn't want to go. Despite volunteering to both moderate the intrafaith panel and take charge of the main ritual there was just something that made me very meh about the whole day.

 Having said that, everyone who volunteered to help me did a fabulous job. They were articulate, talented and on point. In the end the day was a good time.  They people running this event are head and shoulders above the crew from the last few years and I hope they continue to do the great job they have been doing.

However...

I will not volunteer
I will not volunteer
I will not volunteer

honest.

Except for that thing we may be doing next year.



and PiCon



and Arisia (but that is different)

honest
sylvari: (Blue Mouse)
is the best thing to happen.

 As you may know we here at Dom Hagar have a basket full of cats which is the technical term for too fucking many. Last week Along with the current bug du jour I noticed my elbow which had been off and on uncomfy for weeks was once again not only painful but warm and hard. That means it's time for this little girl to get herself to the doctor. She sent me to get an ultrasound which confirmed I did indeed have an infection which had spead to my lymph nodes. Anti-biotic ordered  along with 1800 mg of ibuprophen to be taken daily and we were off. Easy peasy.

 Until this Monday when the doctor called me to ask if I could come in to discuss the results of my ultrasound. *blinkblink* you mean the one she already told me about over the phone? *blinkblink* really? So on top of one of the busiest weeks this month in terms of running around and work I now get to worry about why the doctor feels the need to talk to me in person about something we discussed on the phone...

woo....

ready ! set! go stress!

Turns out the girl who did the ultrasound started at my neck and went all the way down to my wrist which is not the usual way to check out someone's elbow. Luckily for me she did because they found a node on my thyroid. Not sure what it is but I have an appointment with a specialist in a few weeks to go over a second ultrasound and the seventeen gallons of blood they took today. (ok, maybe not that much but when it has to come from the back of your hand it feels like a lot). In talking to the dr. I have symptoms of a mild hypothyroidism which may be caused by this little tiny node hanging out in my neck.

 So bad news - I have a thing that may or may not be a big thing

 Good news - I am a lazy fat girl for a reason

Seriously what it means is that not only is it even more important for me to be healthy but if I don't make gains as fast as I would like at least I can take comfort in the idea that it's not just because I am a lazy slob. It also explains what is for me a year of unusually frequent illness. Healthy is once again job one!

Just one more adventure on this crazy ride of life.
sylvari: (ScoobDoo)
We all fall down!

  The last few weeks my cards have been wrning me that it's time to slow down and really absorb everything that happens around me. To that end I am taking October off so I can stay home and focus on those things I would like to learn. I was suppose to start last week but ....

My entire week last week was spent battling a cold, migraines caused by my period and an infection that had my lymph nodes swolllen and painful. Nothing says "uphill battle" like bleeding, dripping nose, sweats and to top it all off *shudder* mouth breathing. Every moment I wasn't at work or the doctors was spent laying on the couch either trying not to move so my head didn't break into a thousand pieces or or trying to find a way to work up the energy to accomplish basic tasks like shower. It was so bad that I actually forgot I was suppose to work yesterday until they called me 15 minutes into my shift to ask if I was coming in.

That means this week is full of get all my shit done.
Monday I am working 5-9 because I just found out the girl who was suppose to work hurt herself and I guess I was the first fool to answer my phone.
Tuesday the ever patient Becka and Joe are having us for dinner. This will be the third reschedule they have put up with from us.
Wedensday is free but I did tell Rob I would head to Boston to see him while he is visiting and I hope that this is his only free day because it's my only free night.
Thursday is the High 5 rally and I am probably not going to get out of work until 5 then it's off to Igor's to help him with his invoices which  Iwas going to do on Friday but
Friday is Harvest at the Farm! I will be there all night
Saturday is PPD 7 am till 7 pm
Sunday is the Sunwheel at 10 followed by stuff with those people.

then i fall down Sunday night. How this week got so busy I honestly do not know. This puts me two weeks farther away from my goals and contributes a great deal to why I feel as if my brain is trying to follow a hundred different things at once. Focusing is a skill that seems to elude me at the moment. Hence my taking time off in October to really focus.

Being sick has done one thing for me though, I spent very little time online last week. KInda liked it. This has given me an idea. One of the things I have avoided in the last few years is time on the phone in favor of emails and text messages. For the next month we are going to flip things around, If you want to talk, call me. If I don't get to you right away leave a message and I will get back to you. My online time is going to drop severly so this may be the only way to touch base. If you don't have my number - drop me a line and I will send it to you. :)

ok, bedtime. Crazyass week starts soon.
sylvari: (Sekhmet)
 Why is it that September seems to fly by so quickly? This next week is going to be hell on wheels but luckily it's only a week right?

The cards say-

First card

Otter (NA)(R) You are rushing from one thing to the other without focus. Relax and allow yourself to recieve from others. Stop being so serious.

Squirrel (NA) Time to get rid of all those things weighing you down that you no longer need or use.

So... same message I have been getting, slow down, clear out the crap you don't need (physically and mentally) and enjoy life. Gee... thanks. lol



Second card

Horse (NA)(R) Horse reminds you that true power is in remembering compassion for others. Balance is part of the wisdom horse brings.Remember to take into account the whole of your life when charting the course of your future.
sylvari: (QP pic)
  This week there is an event called "Speak out with your Geek out" which is hoping to raise awareness of all things geeky in an effort to promote understanding of geek culutre. I figure while I am trying to sweat out this whatever it is I would write a little geekery.

 What am I geeky about? Food, table top gaming, good and bad science movies, quantum physics, hard science books and even fantasy ( I may be a bit of a George R.R. Martin fangirl) English history,

 Let me interrup here to say that Pinky and Bubba and I have just finished watching the first three seasons of "The Big Bang Theory" and as much as I love all things Sheldon there is something about that show that bothers me just a little. These guys are the stereotypical geeks. They have no life, they are scientist but oh so innocent in the ways of the world, they collect comic books and watch Star Trek and do all those things that geeks are expected to do. Excpet we are way more that that.

I like football, fishing, fashion. I am the proud mom of three great kids and step mom of two awesome kids too. I work in the service industry and I like it. I drive a station wagon. I watch America's Next Top Model as well as Nova and Masterpiece Theater. The Geeks of the last generation put a man on the moon and discoved DNA, the geeks of my generation gave us PC's, the internet and mapped the human genome. The geeks of the next generation gave us Facebbok, smartphones and the Large Haldron Collider and the generation after that will also do amazing things.

Yet sports figures will still make more than pretty much every educator in this country and even the big news outlets that now have entire sections of their staff reporting on geek culture *coughCNNcough* will do so with an air of superiority to those nerds they are reporting on.

The average person will always look down on geeks because we are passionate about things. We can sit for hours lost in discussion about what should replace the shuttle program or the merits (or not) of D&D 4th ed because we love, we care and this firghtens most people. We are willing to embrace the unknown instead of fear it. We are full of curiosity, hope, intellect and not ashamed of it. Beyind our lives of work and home are worlds too vast to comprehend and so small we can only see them in the most complexly beautiful mathimatical equasions and we want to know and see it all. They don't understand how to see beyond themselves so they put down what they cannot understand. As a geek I hope that one day we can get those who do not understand that deep down inside there is a small spark of curiosity in even the most mundane amoung us and all we need to is find out what they are geeky about to bridge that gap.

 Ok, now I take some meds and sleep. Be excellent to one another and Geek on my friends.
sylvari: (Sekhmet)
Hey kids! Enjoying this lovely late summer day? Me too.

I am trying to get better at writing here again. Turns out the less time I spend online the less time I want to spend here. I am trying to hand-write every day which has become more satisfying in an odd way. anywwy- on to stuff with things !!

This week's cards

First card

Alligator (NA)- Gator is here to tell you to slow down and examine what is going on around you. Time to stop and not rush into a rash decision. Have you been rushing through things without digesting them fully? Now is the time to slow yourself down.

 hun....well doesn't that just parallel something I was talking to the boy about yesteday during the long wait. Good to know.


Second card

AIr Dragon (C)- AIr Dragon brings insight and clarity like a sudden bolt of lightning. Air Dragon not only delivers inspiration but is the messenger of the Gods so look for something to come at you out of the blue this week.

 Phew! Glad that one goes to the boy. Although this does not surprise me in the least. Getting clarity of thought this week should be exactly what happens for him. :)

Ok, back to booing the Cowboys and kicking cats off my table.
sylvari: (Grrreenland)
misses the net completely!

There are times when I feel as if I have no connection to the things I am trying to learn. It's as if there is a need to know something without making a connection then move on. Not sure if this is a product of the bipolar or not but learning something is not the same as knowing it and I know there are many things I have learned but do not know.
Today I came upon this article on how to reach your life goals. Smaller steps, public proclimations, rewards. Done them all. The one thing I don't know if I have done yet is take them seriously. There will be some serious consideration on that this week.

How do you focus on a subject? Do you prefer to have several irons in the fire or one at a time until you master it? Why does that method work for you?

Goals for this month -

break down of goals- September to lose 5 lbs and increase moving.
add each week
+1 veggie/fruit serving a day
+1 day of moving 30 minutes
-1 lb. per week.
Finish book on NE forrest
finish book on basic brewing

this week only- track foods for 7 days in a row
sylvari: (ScoobDoo)
Scurrying around is the only workout I get on a daily basis lately. At some point there will be an actual post with substance about everything going on here at Dom Hagar but for now it's just hither and yon for stuff.

These late summer days that blend summer with autumn are truly magical. The cooler the days get the more active I do. Fabulous!

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sylvari: (Default)
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